end of one year, start of another

So its the end of 2011. Anyone else felt like it's flown in? Before I start this is gonna be one of those blogs that you can't sum up if you get my drift. Basiclly, I started writing this blog in the hope that it would help my stammer. I did aim to write one a week, but that kinda went down the hole a bit. So I've updated every so often, telling you lovely people how I've been doing, how the stammers treating me blah de blah de blah.
So basiclly, 31st December, I was on my way back from France. (Wasn't exactly the best hogmonay I can tell you) I had a stammer, pretty bad. Wasn't as confident as what I am now. This blog, the fact that people have listened to my rants and useless information has been great. After I finished school, I felt diffrent. It was like, the daft wee boy had gone. Yeah, theres times I still act like a wee boy (I mean if Mr Men's on I'll watch it :P) I was begining to notice a diffrence in the way that (most) folk treated me. Then I noticed the biggest diffrence of all when I started college, I wasn't stammering as much. Yeah I still do stammer from time to time, but not as much. One of the folk in my class said that folk notice when I stammer, but no one's really fussed about it. If I stammer, I stammer, no one's gonna rush me and interupt me. Thats the great thing. No one does interupt me now. Ok there's been times when someone's phoned, not given me the time to speak and I've went mental at them. (hung up and didn't phone back after that) But everythings going good now. I'm in college, passing it so far. I'm more confindent, I've got an amazing girlfriend, who I love more than anything :) n life's just life. As one of my lecturers said, I went through a process of going inwards, and not talking as much, which helped lead to my stammer. And now, I'm coming out my shell, showing people who I actually am.  And this is helping me stammer less.
So thanks to those of you who follow this, thanks to my family and friends, thanks to emma and her family (who have put up with seeing me a hell of a lot :p) and just everyone who's helped me come out my shell. It really means a lot. :)
So all I can really say now is that you have a happy safe and brilliant 2012, and if the world does end, well I'll see you all in hell anyway cos thats where I'm going :P

long time no blog me thinks

Hello emm.... dear people who decide to follow. Unless you've emigrated somewhere warmer (in which case I'll join you :P)
Hows things? Good? Bad? In the middle?
Im good :) College is going great (which I think is a good sign) One thing I've noticed is my confidence has went up and its had an effect on my stammer. I'm not stammering as much, sometimes when I meet new people, I dont stammer at all. They dont even know I stammer until I tell them its been a pain in the ass for 10 years. I'm pretty impressed. Yeah I'll have good days and bad days. But I think, if people I know who have had stammers have been able to not stammer at all, why wouldn't it be possible for me to be same. Just have to see wont we then? :)

college

Well I stated college this week. WOOO :D But the stammers bugging me more than usual :/ perhaps its just the fact I'm in a new place and I'm meeting new people. The folk have been great tbh. They've gave me the time it takes for me to say what I have to say. They dont sit and slag me off or anything. Which is great. Better than school. Least I dont have the wideos who think they're all it slagging me off. (something I wont miss from school)
Aint really much else to say just now. Just thought I'd update you all on college. So until next time, cya

hellooo

aint said much in a while. I know, I've not had a good enough excuse since the end of May. Things are looking good tbh. I've been stammering, which in my opinion has been a good thing. Guess it gives me a chance to work on my speech. The other day i was going to a club I volunteer at. On the train, the conductor comes up just before I get off. Ding ding ding...pressure (normally is for me tbh) So I asked for a return n told him where I was going from/to etc. But I couldnt say the stop I was getting off at. The guy was patient, didnt hurry me along or anything (must be one of the few conductors who actually like me) :p. Anyway, I finally managed to say where I was going and after it, I knew I had worked. I dont know what it was, I just felt like I had put more work into it. Mabye just my imagination.
The phone situation...I managed to talk on the phone to someone I dont know last night. A few weeks ago, I had hassle coming back up from Newcastle on the train. So I put in a complaint and they phoned me to ask a couple of questions. I did stammer when on the phone, but the best part was, I was stopping, calming down and starting back up again, a little slower.  Something I should try more on the phone, especially with folk I dont know.
Anyway, thats me for just now. Promise I'll blog a bit more often now.

music and stammering

Well what can we say? Turns out that universities are run by the rich who want more more and guess what...more. More power, more wealth Strathclyde uni are proposing cuts, which would see courses in the faculty of humanities and social sciences affected. One of these courses, which has already been axed and the promised replacement course is not being brought in. Music's really helped me with my stammer. Its helped me through the hard times. When I've been the victim of taunts and abuse by mindless and immature bullies, I've always been able to turn to my music. It's something I've been able to do that the bullies have no idea whatsoever about. Its also helped with my breathing. Ive been able to breath better, which in turn has helped my air control. This in turn has heled my stammer as I've been so used to controling my breathing whilst playing, that Im used to doing it.
How many people at the age of 10 know the course they want to do, and know the university that does that course. Seriously, Strathclyde uni are aiming to turn into a science based uni. All be it, science is important, but no experement managed to help me with my stammer. Music has. Its been there. Science has not found a cure for stammering (unfortunatly) but music has been one of the greatest supports I have.
Perhaps the powers that be in the university will see that music, along with the other courses, which are very importabt, are all extremely important in their own right.

where from here

Right I promised you a second blog since I aint done one in ages. Theres still that glass of beer sitting here by my side :) mmmmmmmmmmmm :P
Anyway, next week's my last day of school...EVER! Kinda scarey, thats 13 years of my life, 13 years of making and losing (but mainly making and keeping) friends. A period, where my speech started off well, but went downhill after a time, but gradully sorted itself out.
So, after the summer I'm going to college (woo). Im gonna meet new folk, hopefully as great as the folk I know just now. But I have to admit, I'm worried a little. I know I dont need to be, but I still am. Worried that my stammer would go back downhill again. I've got all the advice, yeah, and I know how to use all the tips. I guess it'll just be a case of waiting and seeing.
Sorry this has been a bit of an emotional blog. Gotta admit, I will miss everyone. So all the friends that I've made over the past 13 years, thanks for deciding to become friends with a headcase like me :D Thanks for not judging me because of my stammer. Thanks for listening to what I want to say. For giving me the time that I need to say what I want to say. To say my piece. Honestly gonna miss all of you. In all honesty, I hope we all keep in touch. It would be great to talk to you. And you've all been a part of my crazy journey so far, and I'd kinda like you to remain part of it :)

breathing

Right, Im thinking of doing a couple of blogs tonight. Theres a glass of beer sitting next to me and I intend on drinking it :P
Anyway, weird sorta title for a blog. But, a few weeks ago, I was in my lesson at school. The teacher gave me advice on how to improve my breathing when Im playing. So, the next few days, I really worked on my breathing. I focused on it when I was playing, when I was singing, and most likely when I was talking (which I didnt really notice)
So, by the next week, I had noticed something diffrent. Something diffrent about the way I was talking. Yeah, my stammer was still there, but it wasnt as prominent. I WAS stammering, but it was LESS. Pretty cool hey. I was pretty pleased. When I told my teacher, he was impressed as well :) If theres a little diffrence in one week, imagine the diffrence there would be over a period of time after constantly working on my breathing.
I've always wanted to combat my stammer. To control it, and hopefully reach a stage where my stammer isnt noticable. Never no, mabye that will happen :)

getting there (slowly but surely)

Hey guys :D:D
I know its been a while. Sorry. Its been intresting tbh with my stammer. I had an interview last Tuesday for another college. Good news is I got an unconditional for it, so Langside here I come. I didn't let my stammer get in my way. Yeah, I did stammer, and the people interviewing me knew it was there. But the great thing was, I had never met these people before, and they just saw my stammer as part of me. They didn't but in, they gave me the time to say what I had to say, and LISTENED. That was the great thing about it. :D :D Even better that I got an unconditional :D
Anyway, moving on. Thursday night, I was playing in the Royal Concert Hall with one of the bands I play in. (Twas very emotional as it was possibly my last concert if I dont go back next year.) Anyway, a group of us were asked to sell programs and raffle tickets. Just sell them to folk coming in. Whenever I asked people coming past if they wanted to buy one, I didn't, or hardly stammered. I was pretty amazed. Again, these were people I had never met, and will probably never meet again in my life. And I never stammered. I was proud of maself :). For me, that topped off what had been a good day, and what was going to be a good night :)
Cya :D

UNcomic relief

Right this blog is a quick one. Its just to show my disgust at the begining of Comic Relief last Friday, with Lenny Henry. It was a scene from the Kings Speech, in which the Duke of York (later known as George VI) is shown at Wembley, and he is stammering while making a speech. Lenny Henrys comment was "hurry up we've only got 7 1/2 hours."
This comment received loads of complaints, and the founder of comic relief has came out and apologised. However, as someone who stammers, I know what its like to be told to hurry up, and have my sentences finished off. Its the worst feeling in the world. Its a right confidence knocker. The BBC, comic relief and Lenny Henry should be ashamed. They wouldnt dare of said anything  about people with cebral palsy, or other disabilaties. Why should stammering be any diffrent? Its protected under the Equality Act 2010.
I've never been a big supporter of Comic Relief, but Lenny Henrys comments has put me off even more. I also used to think Lenny Henry was quite funny. But now he has shown the guy that he really is. Just a sick sick guy, who thinks its ok to mock those who stammer. Well, thanks to Mr Henry and the BBC for supporting the bullies instead of those who need their support

never give up

Right, this may sound like a sad blog (not literally sad, but you know what I mean)
Right, I've had a dream of doing music since I was tiny. I've been singing as long as I can remember, I've been playing instruments, and anything musical, I'm willing to give a try. When I was six, I started on recorder, then moved onto clarinet when I was 11. Im now grade 6 going on grade 7 on the clariet, I've got my higher music, managed a bit of keyboard, and honestly love music to bits. I'm involved in a few bands and sing in the choir in my local church. Best part is, I've now got a college place to do music. Starting the end of August. Has my stammer held me back? Not one bit. Actually, it's helped me. If I'm honest, its made me even more determined to get to where I want to be. There have been a few teachers (surprise surprise) who have put obstacles in my way, and tried to stop me getting to where I want to be, but they've not stopped me.  So now, I'm going to college to do music, I aim to go to uni after it, then become a music therapist. So yeah, life seems to be good the now. There have been times where my stammers really pissed me off. But I've just picked myself up and kept myself going. Thanks mainly to my family and friends and my amazing girlfriend for supporting me to get where I want to be.
So yeah, if you have a dream, and you stammer, don't give up. Seriously, take any route possible to get to where you want to be.  No matter how long it takes. A wise person said to me a few months ago (she knows who she is cause I used this quote on her the other day) here it is:
"you can get to wherever you want to be. It might just take a little bit longer."
Thats a wise piece of advice, so just as I was given it by someone who who meant a lot to me then, and means a lot more to me, I'm giving this advice to you, (even if you dont stammer, take that advice, feel free.)  It doesnt matter how long it takes you, as long as you get there in the end. :)
So thats it for this week. Cya :)

the best reaction to my stammer.......

.....was this wee guy who I had met for the first time. In school, I'm doing a course called peer tutoring, where we help first years with their reading. I had this wee guy, lets call him Joe (I aint wanting to tell you his real name cos of the confidentiality stuff) So the first time I met Joe, I got talking to him. As usual when I meet someone I dont know, I was stammering. So Joe stops n says to me "Right, just take your time, breath and slow down!" Of course, I was taken by surprise. I could tell that he meant it in a laid back sort of way. My first thought was, I dont even know you and you know some of the tips that I know on how to deal with my stammer. It was great just the way he casually said it.
The worst reaction Ive had, was unfortunatly, from a teacher. Yes, a grown woman, who you think would be mature. Unfortunatly, she acted worse than a five year old would act. Again, it was in peer tutoring. Those who were in the class, whom I ranted to (sorry about that, to everyone I ranted to) So, we had this guy in talking to the class, giving us a talk. I walked into the class a little late, apologised for being late, and quicky got settled.  After a couple of minutes, he asked me what my name was, to which I went to answer. I stammered when I was saying my name, so this teacher just butted in and told the guy my name. I was fuming at this. So, the next day I went down to see her. My girlfriend came down with me. I went in and spoke to the woman, and told her how I felt about the situation. Her reaction was to pull me in front of the head of support for learning, and state that I had "a complaint." So, I explained the situation to this woman (who cannie do the job to save herself. I dont really care if she sees this tbh, cos its the truth) and her attitude was pretty much the same. I was fuming, so fuming that I ranted to my girlfriend all the way back to the library. Sorry about that. That was the worst bloody reaction Ive had. Talk about acting your shoesize. Any teacher that is reading this, or any potential teacher, treat a kid who stammers the way you want to be treated. If you treat them like a child, expect them to be a child back. If you want to be an adult, treat the student as if they are an adult. Best advice I can give you. Anywho, thats another blog, for another week. See you guys next week :)

Now is the winter of our discontent

Sorry I've not updated this in a couple of weeks guys. The name will make sense later :)
Anyway, I had an interview a couple of weeks ago for college. Twas very intresting. The great thing was, the guy really gave me the time to speak. We had never met before, and he was great. So I was offered a place there and then :D:D:D Those of you who saw my facebook, will know that, but I just thought I'd tell you again. I GOT INTO COLLEGE :D :D just couldnt help it there.
So, a few days later, there was the British Stammering association open day in Glasgow. It was very intresting actually. It was great to get together with other folk who stammer. There was this really nice guy, I think he was from India or something, that I got talking to. Turns out he was a lawyer. Know thats a random fact, but tbh it really showed me that if I work, then I can get far. He seemed to be in a job he enjoyed, and obv had worked hard for it. So now for the explanation of the title of this blog. In the afternoon, there was a workshop called "Linoel Louge: Maravik or magician" For those of you who have not seen the Kings Speech yet, Linoel Louge is the speech therapist in it, the character that Geofry Rush plays. So, Jan, the woman that was taking the workshop, got us to all lie on the floor, facing the ceilng. We had to imagine a colum of air coming out when we breathed out, and it could go as high, or as low as we wanted it. Then she got us to do the same with Shakespere quotes, and swear words. So yeah, anyone walking past would be wondering what the hell was going on in this room.  It also involved getting into pairs, and doing either toungetwisters, or the acutal Kings speech, that was read out by George VI when world war two broke out. I done the speech thing, with this other guy who stammers. Jan came up and listened to us both saying it, and was encouraging us to swear. It was brilliant, cos I was stammering, and she just shouted (excuse the choice of words here)
BUGGER BUGGER FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK BUGERDY BUGGER :P
So yeah,that was very intresting.
Thats pretty much it for this time folks. Hope you like it :)

phones :)

Ok, sorry about last week guys, the stress is begining to hit us with the exams. I never thought I would actually be doing a blog about phones. Basiclly, the phone has been the bain of my life since I started to stammer. Ive honestly hated the thing. Its not even that its that scarey a thing, its just I do not like the thing. So basicly, I thought, its time to conquer my fear of the thing that must not be named. (ok I know I've mentioned it a couple of times before)
So, last week, before I went out to my girlfriends, I had to phone a guy about my clarinet. But when I dialed the number, it was impossiable for me to actually go any further. So, I spent about ten minutes doing this deep breathing crap in the kitchen. Tried it again, and I still couldn't do it. I tried about 3 or 4 times to actually phone him. So, thinking back to the kings speech, I remember the bits where Bertie was swearing, and how it relaxed him. So, I tried swearing, and the various other things Lionel taught him (IE singing, dancing about the place) and if you have seen my hall, its not exactly the best place to be dancing. Anyway I tried it, and I felt more relaxed. I phoned the guy, stammered when I started talking to him, but as I got into the flow of the conversation, I did not stammer :D:D:D:D
Anyway, yesterday the phone goes. And as I was going up to answer it, I kept saying swear words. It felt goooooood that I could actually talk without stammering as much as I do. It felt pretty awesome. I can honestly say, that, although I'm 100% confident with the phone, I feel I'm on my way to conquering one of my biggest fears. Its funny, one piece of technology can make  even grown people terrified. Just one tiny thing,  can make one person, scared out of their wits. Honestly, thoe of you that don't stammer, don't know how terrifying it can be.
Anywho thats this blog for this time.  I don't know when my next one will be, but I've got a couple of intresting things coming up. I've got a college interview a week on Tuesday and theres the BSA open day in Glasgow in a couple of weeks. So yeah, cya next whenever it is :)

alright :P

Well hello again those of you who choose to follow/have a look. How you all been doing, alright?
This week has been...very intresting I must admit. Lets just say, I've been stammering like hell, but I dont actually care. Monday morning, I had a free period. So me n my mate were sitting in one of the RE classes, and talking to the teacher (while doing work of course.) We were sitting talking, and I was stammering like hell. The great thing is, the teacher, who I dont know that well tbh, gave me all the time in the world. She didn't but in, or try and finish my sentences off for me. She just happilly sat there, giving me the time I needed, waiting for me to say what I had to say. Honestly, that's one of the best things ever for someone who stammers. I went to my next class honestly feeling good.
Monday night, my mums phone goes, but she was on the house phone. I answered it for her, cos I knew who it was n most probably what it would be about. (Got to tell you, talking on the phone is something I don't do voluntarly that often. Since I started stammering, it's been the bain of my life) I answered it, spoke to the person, and honestly, its a wonder I dont use the phone that often. I stammered at every word, it was unebelievable. But I suppose I'm feeling a bit more confident now. I prooved to myself that I can talk on the phone, and yeah it will take a bit of work, but I honestly can do it.
Talking about phones, I remember I was at a summer thing at Strathclyde uni a few years ago. We had to do this challange, and one of us had to talk on the phone. I (for some strange reason I must admit, I must of been on something at this point) happily put my hand up and said I'd do it. To this day, I don't know what possesed me to do this. Anyway, about ten minutes later, the phone goes and I go outside n start talking to the person on the other end. One of the mentors came out with me, and all I remember was every two seconds, this guy was doing breathing motions, telling me to stay calm. And the best thing is, the whole time I was talking on the phone, I did not stammer once. It was pretty amazing. (Sorry had to mention that.)
Anyway, Thursday night, the cinema was calling, and the Kings Speech was the film it called me to see. Honestly, the film is so good. I won't say too much, as I know there are people who want to see it, but I know that I learned some stuff from it.  However, no speech therapist I've met, has encouraged me to swear as a way to combat my stammer. (But i've noticed that if I have had to swear, I do not stammer at all.) Mabye thats saying something. If I stammer in front of teachers, just swear, it may work. I've got a valid excuse, Geforry Rush says it works :P
Anywho thats my blog for this week. Know its a bit random, but hope you enjoy it. :)

first ever blog :P

Hey to anyone who has nothing better to do, but follow this. How you all doing? Well basiclly, I thought the other day, "how about doing a blog about my stammer." So basiclly, Im gonna update as often as I can, tell you all how me and the stammer are getting on (which isnt very well as itis a pain in the asshole) and anything that may of happened. So, where to start. I've had my stammer since I was 8 and a half. So 2001. I'll admit it has been hard, but its been fun. I've had a few laughs about it, and not let it get in my way. I'm really into music, and want to do it when I leave school. I've played in a few good places, including the Barony hall, Glasgow and the Glasgow Royal Concert Hall.
I didn't start getting speech therapy until I was about 10 or 11. But when I did start getting it, it really worked. I know that diffrent people have dffrent experiences of it, but I really felt the benifit of it, my speech was improving bit by bit, I was becoming a little bit more confident and so on. Since I started attending, I've been involved in many things, such as an honours students project, filming for the British Stammering association and BSA family days. The filming was great. It was for CD ROMS that were being released to school all across Scotland to give teachers advice on how to help pupils that stammer. It really gave me and other folk that stammer the chance to have our voices heard about what helped us.
Yeah, I have had trouble with some folk about my stammer. And teachers are just as bad as what folk my age are. One teacher (who shall remain nameless for their benifit) cut me off when I  was talking to someone in class, and finished my sentece off for me. This, I was very unhappy at. NEVER EVER cut someone who stammers off. NEVER EVER finish they're sentence for them. Best advice I can give. So anyway, I spoke to her later, told her that I didn't really like the fact that she had done what she had done, and my head was chewed off. She hated the fact, that this 17 year old, actually had the courage to take her on and proove she was wrong. I was given the whole lecture, about how I was taken into the class late (dont ask, screw up with exam results) I was like jee, get over yourself, dont look for the bloody sympathy vote. So I then went to guidence, who was not a very happy person. So eventually it was dealt with.
I've often found that if I say to the bullys "how would you like having a stammer, and being bullied" most (that is most)  see sense, and realise it wasn't the right thing to do.
So thanks, to Eilidh, Liz and Morag, the three muskateers, who all gave me help with my stammer, and joined me on this journey. If you see this at some point in the future, thanks for putting up with me, and the nutter who is my mother lol. Thanks for all the tips you gave me, they really do work. Thanks to my family, for all the support they've gave me. And thanks for putting up with the music practise, its something that's really kept me going. Thanks to those friends, who have stuck by me, and gave me the chance to have my voice heard. And those who have made the light hearted jokes, thats something thats took the burden off a little. I know your kinda sense of humour, so I can forgive you. And one last thank you is to Emma, my amazing girlfriend. Thanks for not judging me or anything like that. It's make life a whole lot easier tbh. Thanks to you all for joining me on this incredable, crazy and sometime really hard journey. I know having all of you here with me has really helped.
Before I end this first blog, there is  a quote I want to share with you. The Kings Speech, the film that has just came out, has a scene with Collin Firth and Gefory Rush.
Firth: "LISTEN TO ME, LISTEN TO ME"
Rush: "Why should I waste my time listening to you?"
Firth: "BECAUSE I HAVE A VOICE!!!!!!"
Rush: "yes you do"
I think that if everyone who suffers from a stammer, has the mindset, of "I have a voice"  then anything is possible. Just keep telling yourself that, and anything can be achieved.